I know I have this fear that the aspirations I have may never come to fruition and the older I get the probability diminishes being in my 30s. I'm surrounded by successful people and at the point I'm currently at, I feel quite the opposite and I can't help it despite knowing I am so much more than a job title or income. The idea of just being another cog in a machine is fine to me in terms of having income to supplement my needs and the safety net to pursue my interests but man does it also burn me out. Needing to find the balance to do both is what I have to figure out next. There's big things I hope I can accomplish even though I'm getting older.

2016 me wrote "He was my heavens 'til he stopped shining his light on me" and at the time, man was I heartbroken and damaged. Eager to get back to the me before I met him was the positive. That man had me going to poetry jams and church every Sunday. I think back to that time and laugh a little about it but it was definitely much needed growing pains and in hindsight it was the best decision to break up. It makes me sad that I stayed for so long and it took cheating to leave and I think that's probably a common occurrence and maybe even sadder even then some people don't leave. He may at times be who I think of when a sad song comes on but when I hear a love song, I think of my lover today and grateful to have somebody who has healed me through his love and care.

Of all the mildly useless things I used to buy I wish I built a windows pc. All the games I can't play like inZOI and Once Human, plus all the horror games with friends. MacOS is total ass in that sense. SMH.

I'm up trying to add more to my website bc my mind really can't rest until I do something. On top of that i have a concept in my head about how cool it would be for there to be a swivel smart phone with a keyboard. I just keep thinking about a sidekick-esque touch screen with the ability to type again. I feel like that would the alternative to foldable phone creases and literally just as fun. It's crazy tech companies don't tap into the nostalgia of the sidekick form factor.